Throughout life, we all experience heartbreak. Heartbreak is sad, and it’s really hard to overcome when it happens to you. With heartbreak, it is very common for us to feel an intense emotional and sometimes physical strain. Some people deal with heartbreak by shutting down and oversleeping. Others like to let their frustration out through exercise, crying, confiding in friends, or emotionally eating. At the end of the day, heartbreak is a universally difficult experience that really takes a toll on our psyches. We all want to find a healthy way to engage our feelings and heal our wounds. Bandages won’t work in this case– today I hope to go over some ways to reflect on and mend a broken heart.
Acceptance
Human beings love deeply– it’s not in our nature to make solely practical connections. So when that deep and complex love is stopped, it’s all the more important that we turn around and take in importance of what has happened. Going straight to Netflix in hopes of taking our minds off it is only a temporary escape, and guess what? It won’t make it hurt any less. Depending on your situation, it’s important to accept the fact that something big is changing and it has caused a grief in your heart. Any loss of intimacy can be traumatic for your nervous system, and that trauma compounds when ignored or buried. When you are able to look at your situation and properly make space for what you’ve lost, this is the first step to recovery.
Reflection
After fully coming to terms with what happened, it is important to set some intentional time aside to reflect. Some people like to focus on re-mapping the relationship and pointing out all the junctures where true connection was missed and what could be done to prevent those misses in the future. Others like to focus on present feelings and mindsets, challenging potentially-outdated expectations of themselves and others. During this process, it’s important to be gracious with yourself and to avoid placing undue blame, lashing out at others, and dodging responsibility you could claim. Instead, be curious and ask yourself questions without judgement.
Personal Time
After you’re able to reflect on what happened and how you’re feeling, it’s important to give yourself time. Focus on making yourself happy. Giving yourself new and joyful experiences, tending to your needs, and paying close attention to your thoughts and feelings will help you get a clearer picture of the kind of love you need from others AND will help you regain trust in yourself and your heart. Don’t think about jumping into another relationship just yet. Instead, try doing things that you don’t normally do, address areas where you know you can improve, and establish a habit of self-nurturance. At the end of this personal time, decide whether or not you’re ready to jump back into dating.
Feel your feelings, work on you, and know that you will recover. Soon enough, you will be ready to find someone who is as happy with you as you are. Don’t give up. Crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
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